"Don't make me laugh!! Peter pan is wearing a corset!!"
Heather

"O dear god! Jesus took a header!"
Heather

"I'm putting a star of david on two of these slips of paper... and swastikas on THE OTHER THREE SLIPS OF PAPER!!! and the JEWS get to leave work EARLY!!!!"
"I got hitler!"
"I got Albert Durr..."
"I got Einstein!"
"I got JESUS!"
Adison's kitchen, told by Lucas

"How did she know it was rare??? Did it moooo?"
Manager at Addisons, stoned

"I've got my drill in one hand, and my bits in the other."
Heather's father

"The irony of it... is that it was tuna."
Lucas

"There are three things I hate in this world and that's greasy butt sex, menstrual blood, and metallica."
Eric

"I really don't like that girl, I'm glad her head came home in a box in Se7en."
on Gwyneth Paltrow

Fischer Quotes
These quotes are all from my 9th grade honors gov. and econ class, from my teacher, Mr. Fischer. He liked to teach by example...
emotions are very important to his humor, so how he stated the phrase is in parenthesis at the beggining, if it adds... you have to picture this short, podgy, balding guy with bright orange hair and bright blue eyes, with a huge mug of very strong coffee.


"I am a known drug dealer. I have a huge crack rock in my trunk, I'll just, you know, chip off a few chunks and sell it to you, or whatever."


"(exuberant) All right!!!! I just killed a man- and got away with it!!!"


"(matter of fact) Fischer needs to be institutionalized."


"Dude, I'm going to spraypaint the White House, have a bunch of parites, then tear the place down!"


"(despondent).... In seventh hour, I invision a little friend... but he's never there...."


"1983... I wasn't even born yet, man!!!"
later...
"1990- I was just going into junior high then!" (when you were 7... ^_^)


"(very matter of fact) My wife is twenty. We've been married seven years."


"(bummed out) Oh no... I'm a terrorist. Does this mean I can't be a citizen?"


"That was really stupid, Fischer."


"Oh, I was just thinking about Michael Jordon's underwear...."


"I'm an idiot. Ok?"


"I love abortions. They're my hobby!"

that last one is my personal favorite.

"...I thought they were bigger...."
Erin, to Amu during Strip Dreidel

"Don't tickle me when I'm naked!"
Amu

"The dreidel wants you naked."
Heather to Erin, during a game of Strip Dreidel

Sallie/Heather in unison: " And then, we both died from poisoning!"
"Heather poisoning!"
"You shouldn't have lieid me!"
Heather, Sallie

"Oh god, the nasty dirty semen.--(in seaman voice) It sure is good of you to keep the lonely seamen company like this, they sure are gettin' old."
"(likewise)I'll give you a ride if you give me a ride."
Salle, Heather- on Buckaneers

"I should keep better control of what comes out of my moth."
Heather

"Well, you're just one of THEM!"
Murphy, with an unsuccesful comeback

"Who started the Journey to 1 Million Posts?"
"I think it was Steve..."
"Oh..."
"I think he was high..."
"The hell?"
"well..."
"No, I mean, I know I wouldn't want to count when I was high."
Lucas, Heather

"Suicide is a personal choice!"
"...bumblebees don't live very long...."
Heather, Amu

Sporks:
"A common utensil for the common food of the common people!"
"Taco Bell!"
Erin, Kelley
Apparently, Sporks are the utensil of the prolitariate. I still say they are the downfall of soceity.

"Can i have another cookie?"
"Don't you eat any real food?"
"I had pie for breakfast!"
Heather, Johnny Chuck

"SEE YOU AT THE STOOP!!!!"
Satan

"Murph prowls like a vulture. Wait....."
Heather's Wisdom

"Hi ali. (approaches) Do I radiate sex and evil?"
"Uh... (backs away quickly)... I like your zipper earrings, heather!"
Heather, Ali

"You radiate evil. If I had on my evil goggles, you would be like (wiggly fingers) evil lines!!"
Mason, to Heather

"(singing) Pungee pit, pungee pit, walk away you stupid shit."
Erin

"I like the Lord of Hatred. He has good decorating taste."
Heather

THE YEAR OF AMU DOOM

lots of doom.
yep.
Quotes from below this title until 'summer of doom' are from last year.
Quotes get sparse after this... very very sparse. That's why I made this blog. So that i may quote more effectively.
Yay.

"You never know whether to suck it or chew it."
Sallie.
Oh, the delimma...

"(screams) AHH! Oh wait, that was my own foot."
Heather

"Oh no! You lost your wallet in my vagina!"
amu

"You just ruined another innocent childhood memory! It's now the Devil's Vagina!"
Erin, to heather

"No! No! I don't want to do the gay thing!"
leslie

"ALL of you have clothes on today! What's the deal? I was hoping to see some nudity!"
Mr. Drennen

"(guitar riffs) WAKKA! (guitar riffs) LAKKA!"
Lucas (he's still stoned)

"Heather, the enigma (draws question mark with finger)"
Lucas

"(laughs) Wakka-Lakka.... a big cat doing aerobis... I'm going to die."
Lucas, stoned

"We have a lot in common. Except that whole 'gay' thing."
Jason

"You just can't get satisfaction from ramming something in your ear."

"Can somebody fine the penis in my latin book?"
Heather

"You frighten Jesus!"
Jason

"well, my cat's ready for you!"
Heather

"I can accept him being gay much easier than I can accept him being a conservative republican!"
My mother

"we must convene with our dark master....... TO CHEVY'S!!!"
John

"Oh baby, I feel it here... and here (moves hand down) and... (moves hand down again) here!"
"In your pancreas?"
Heather, Erin

"John gave me head in the video?"
Steve

"I've had no sexual activity for three years, and now I've had a prostitute- MAN my life is great!!"
Drennen, Psych/Soic teacher

"Me and technology are like oil and vinegar... we don't mix."
"Oil and vinegar do mix. You shake them up and make a tasty salad dressing."
Leah, still in shock over having to xerox, and 'Little' John

"Oh my god... I have to... xerox?? (presses hands to face)"
Leah

"kelley's naked... inside."
Kelley

"(enthusiastic) I never realized it was a monkey!"
"Um.... it's a bat........"

"I always thought you and Rusty would make a nice custard."
heather's mother

"When Kelley's silent, you can hear the pitter-pattering of the four horsemen of the apocolypse."
Erin

"This school has rules!!!"
"We ain't in school, baby. (winkwink)"
Kelley, Steve

"I want to see you fucking a lion for a scrap of meat."
Steve, to kelley

"Hey, I am a legend."
"You have to be dead to be a legend."
Chris, Hanna

"OH! Comrie's got pills!"
Hanna- very loud, very excited

"It has such an appealing name, yet such an awful taste..."
"What, the internet?"
Heather, Kelley.

"Maraschino Cherries are very good!"
"Yes, but, do they represent something deep and personal about yourself?"
"(exchange looks).....yeah..."
Kelley, Erin, Heather

"Can we have a foursome?"
"(strange look)You mean... a quartet?"
"Maybe not in class..."
Hanna, 'Little' John, Jana, in orchestra

"Breathe Kelley, in... out... in... out.... It's the only in and out motion you'll ever experience."
Erin.

Summer of Doom.

As previously stated. From here and below is the summer of... 2002. yes.

"When you need another man to unsheath your staff, you know you aren't doing well."
Erin

"But the chinese don't fry their food!!!"
Heather

"Poor Rusty, I bet, if he wasn't gay, old ladies would try to rape him all the time."
.......(Ashley nods)
My mother and ashley

"Molly's walking behind us like a good amish... SHIT... muslim wife..."
Heather

"Love is in hell, and that's where it belongs."
A game of telephone can be very insightful.

"I haven't done that to anyone in so long..."
"What, tell them to 'get down, and spread 'em?'"
Steve, Erin

"The choice between paper and plastic is impaired by having a lesbian sex partner."
Steve.

"Ok, this is a really bad start to a porn movie- tell me if you've seen it already."
Steve

"Erin, all that goes into your ears is just sex sex sex sex phallic symbol sex."
Kelley

"In a completly non-phallic way, everyone needs a little erin in them."
Erin

"When you're three... those ARE the only cookies."
Very profound, steve.

"ERIN! Your underwear is showing... AGAIN!"
Kelley

"I always tell people I cut my scissors with a pizza, and people say 'What!?!?!'"
Sallie

"If we made symbols for everyone... Heather's would be, like, a giant leg."
Rachel

"I keep spelling my name wrong!"
Heather

"So, you hunt wild panties?"
"O-kay, this is THE most dangerous g-string I've evah seen-"
Heather, and Steve (talking in croc-hunter voice)

Heather's pointless epiphanies:
"Wait a second... I'm not rhino-proof!"
"Rabbits... don't taste like anything."

"Allie found Joy in the alley."
Sarah

"Hey sallie, want to be tortured? I want to teach you something."
Rachel

"So, it's a lesbian car?
"Oh, I get it- the girl rides Utena!"
Heather, Sallie

"Dolche del Papa- the Pope Loaf."
Kelley

"Wook at his hard wittle winky wanker! How's the little puppy get all hard if he doesn't have any tesicles?"
my Mother, to dog

YEAR OF DOOM!!!!!!!!!!!1

or something.... all previous quotes (like, with time stamps before now...) are from my sophmore year at RBHS.
the next segment of quotes are from the
SUMMER OF DOOM! Yep.

"The Kawaii Mafai must pepper speech with 'in accordance with the prophecy' and 'biatch!'"
Heather

"Kevin, I have to tell you: 'Kevin' means small penis, 'patrick' means large penis, 'Jay' means unmentionable, and 'Jimmy' means no penis."
Jay

"What DO you do with his vagina-like navel?"
"Oh, you mean when it eats stuff?"
Heather, Kelly- on the topic of max and his talking belly button

"you can't give up sound! You'd be deaf!"
kelley.

"I don't know what half this music is..."
"Well, the big title on the top doesn't give it away..."
Orchestra Teacher, and 'Big' John

"nooooo... that's when we were licking each other...
Jason, on the subject of Pocky.

"See, that's the catch, Heather. We have two heads.. and we divide the brain."
Max

"It's got the Jesus fish, what the hell?"
"That's a sperm, you idiot."
Stephen and Max, respectively, on Max's pin- "not every erection deserves a name"
later, singing of the song "Jesus loves the little spermies" ensued. Fun was had by all.

"It's easier of you just spread your legs. (gets strange look from date) Uh, I mean, no-- just straddle the beast!! (again, a look) Wait..."
Jason, desperatly trying to recover a poorly made joke.

"Oh my goodness! MY EYE IS POPPING OUT!"
Jason

"I don't think anyone would steal your blackened stool."
Heather

"...................."
Sallie, all the time.

"me and margol..... were springing... the rosebush....."
Sallie, tired. She was actually saying "Micheal and I were swinging on the swingset, fell off, and landed on the rosebud. We destroyed the whole the whole thing and Michael broke his arm, but both recovered beautifully. (points to large rosebud in question)"

"It breaks... before it penetrates!!"
kelley

"Come to the dark side! Shave me! Shave me! I am gilgamesh, champion of the ancient realms!"
Max, pinching his navel in a mouth like manner inches from kelley's face

"I'm not doing you. I'm doing me!!"
Heather

"I need your body over here, now!!!"
Erin

"Suck it! Suck it HARD!"
Max

This is heather's Quote Book, in bloggie format.
Most of these are from three years ago... If there is explanation needed, I will try to enclude it.
Enjoy.